I ignored you yesterday

Howdy, Ho.

Did you read my mom's blog?! about the murder outside her apartment building?! Dad would've loved that. Well, you know what I mean. The excitement and hubbub and drama, he would've loved that.

So many things I wish my dad had lived to see! Crazy that he's been gone not quite three months. I believe in my heart that he KNOWS about all these things, but it would just be so nice to hear what he has to say about them all. That's what I'm missing.

I read somewhere that when a loved one dies, your capacity to love them grows and grows and grows. The love you have for the person becomes more intense than was ever possible while they were alive. Since you don't have to attend to their needs anymore, and the risk of them not meeting your needs has gone away, all there is left to do is love love love. This has been epecially true for me.

I have been blurting out things he would say several times today. One was, "That, and seventy five cents would buy you the sunday paper." another was, "Fiddle dee dee." I also employ "What's the ssshhheddulle?" Soon I'll be wanting "EYE-talian food"!

Anyway. Miss you daddy. I'm not bumming out hard core, but I am sad for the fact that you aren't on the earth anymore. BUT! As you always said, nobody gets out of here alive.

And I'm sort of glad you weren't around for the shoot out at your old apartment, because you would've been hopping into your pants and scrambling down to the lobby to see what's what - MIGHTA GOTTEN SHOT YERSELF!